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Since my blog's already left you bored, here're other blogs which'll probably do better.. at least some of em..
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Hacked.By a psychotic teenager.
August 11 And so, it begins.You never really tried. You weren't afraid of losing.
Infact, you wanted to face the fear, the fear of giving up and sufferng the adequate consequences.
You wanted to see what it was like, to not try and fail.
You wanted to see, if what they said about things naturally falling into place, would be true.
You wanted to see if you could deal with it, if you could jump back.
As predicted, you did exactly that.
You failed.
There was no guiding light that helped you.
There was no ray of hope to lift you up.
There was, and is, absolutely NOTHING left.
The worst has come.
Nothing can go further wrong.
So now, that you know you can't go any more off you track,
and things can't drop any lower..
..Give it your best shot.
Shoot to the top, where you want to be.
There's nothing you fear now.
And so.. ..it begins.
July 27 Give up, give in.Pull together the pieces.
Glue them together, you don't want them to fall and break further.
You didn't recieve your current possessions in the best of states, agreed.
However, you can't just let them break further.
Because then whatever little hope you had, will be lost.
Forever and ever.
Balancing two matters of major importance.
Both of equal, and bold importance.
You walk carefully and attentively along your path.
Though, due to a blink, you tripped over a stone.
The blink was due to nothing but exhaustion.
Though, the fine you paid, was one rather heavy.
You seem to be lost now.
Completely lost and bewildered.
Neither of your tasks are complete, and you don't see them being so anytime soon.
Currently, you're in a state of confusion and sheer blankness.
Lost in the sorrow of your dreadful mistake.
Sighing at the thought of failure.
It's too late to start now.
It's too late to fix it.
It's too late to do anything at all to mend this situation.
The hardest is to just sit there and do nothing - watch it fall to pieces.
Piece by piece.
As each piece touches rock bottom, you break yourself.
Tears roll down, down your face.
The little time you have, all goes to waste.
You're to blame, for the state you're in.
Just give up, and give in.
[-------------X-------------]
July 18 Did you HAVE to get me thinking?At one in the afternoon, we were sent out into the scorching heat to play, for the third time that day.
I decided to sit in a corner, and ended up just watching people play and had one very thought provoking [NO, not perverted, thank you very much] conversations. You really don't realize a lot of things about yourself untill people tell you at your face..
So, 'x' and me were talking ['y' came in and out, but was still pretty involved]. 'x' and 'y' both're committed to various people, so basically they were taking 'advice' from me.
Whatever, I thought it through and gave them advice, and it turned out to be brilliant advice, so yeah, they were happy. And then it was my turn, they asked me how my 'love' life was going. I told them it's non-existent, as usual, and that's the way I like it. But then they threw something at my face, a question.
"Why're you soo scared of letting yourself like someone? Why're soo afraid of love?"
Good question.
And thanks to their very relevant yet annoying question, which need not've been mentioned, I've been thinking about it all day.
Do I really stop myself from even developing a small crush on someone? WHY do I do that? It's not like I detest love, I think it's rather wonderful as long as it's genuine. But.. why'm I sooo scared of never finding that genuine love? Possibly because I feel like I won't? Or maybe because I'm scared of it resulting as what the 2 so-called-'relationships' I've been in ended like [Which wasn't good AT ALL]?
I was in a bad mood the rest of the day.. because I was forced to think about an issue which I didn't want to think about.
Do I need more time to nake room for love? Or do I need to just find the right person?
I don't know.. but because of you two, I'm thinking about it.
You made me think.
Avantika, is thinking, all because of you.
Go die.
Happy holidays, adios. July 09 Yes, this's what I've been brought down to.Yes, I had nothing better to do, so I stole and put this up for you guys:
(PS: Send me your results, puh-leaaassee?)
Pick the month (number) you were born in:
1----I fell in love with 2----I ate a 3----I shot 4----I sang to
5----I gave my number to 6----I murdered 7----I ran with 8----I gave a lap dance to 9----I choked on 10---I bitched about 11---I cried with 12---I killed Pick the day (number) you were born on: 1-------A homeless guy 2-------your mom 3-------a banana 4-------a fork 5-------a Mexican 6-------a gangster 7-------a hooker 8-------an ipod 9-------my best friends boyfriend 10-------a goat 11-------my dog 12-------a ninja 13-------the computer 14-------a football player 15-------my neighbor 16-------myself 17-------a Jones soda 18-------a llama 19-------a pickle 20-------a stuffed animal 21-------a permanent marker 22-------my dad 23-------a caterpiller 24-------my psychiatrist 25-------a policeman 26-------my brother 27-------my sister 28-------a baseball bat 29-------a DVD player 30-------a paperclip 31-------my cell phone Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: White------ Because I was high Black-------Because I was drunk. Pink--------Because I'm NOT homosexual. Red---------Because the voices told me to. Blue--------Because I'm sexy and I do what I want Green------Because I hate myself. Purple------Because I'm whacked. Gray--------Because that's how I roll. Yellow------Because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars Orange----Because I hate my family. Other-------Because the winds of change are blowing through my soul. July 01 Accurate generalization.The.
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complexity.
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of.
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a.
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teenage.
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life.
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is.
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something.
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not.
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even.
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the.
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most.
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complicated.
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of.
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theories.
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can.
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match.
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up.
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to.
Seriously.
June 11 'Have you ever been alone in a crowded room'?No - this post is NOT about me feeling lonely as you would've figured, I found myself a life, thank you.
When you're at any public joint - you're always with either your friends, boy/girlfriends, colleagues, whoever.
You have a purpose to be there, rather, a social purpose to be there. And well, mostly people do.
But in some cases, when people come to places alone - either it is because they want solitude, or coz they're just plain alone.
But the tricky part is, how can you tell? If a person's there because a) he/she's alone and in pain, or, b) Coz they're sooo strong and confident in solitude that they don't necesarily require people to be with them - why do they all just look the same?
Meh, random observation of a random person on a random blog in this random world.
Read it, absorb it, or chew it and spit it out, I don't give a random shit.
Anyway, think about it. Byeeee. :) May 27 *My lesson of life for today:
S-U-P-E-R-F-I-C-I-A-L-I-T-Y.
su·per·fi·cial
[soo-per-fish-uh  l] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
A-R-T-I-F-I-C-I-A-L-I-T-Y.
ar·ti·fi·cial/
(är'tə-fĭsh'əl) Pronunciation Key
adj.
See, in your average group of teenagers, nowadays you find at least ONE person who absolutely 'in theory' goes against the previous two definitions. Why? well, coz:
a) They either truly believe that these two qualities should be abolished and that everyone should be natural or genuine.
OR
b) They're actually hypocritical and just pretend to think likewise only because it's apparently 'COOL'.
Catergory (a), I like them. Because they're true and genuine, and natural people. The world lacks them. Whereas catergory (b), are majority of the people. They claim to be (a), but're actually as far away from it as it gets. And those're the people who piss me off big time. And the sad thing is, not too mny people around me're (a), they're BIG time (b)s. And that to egoistic (b)s. Which makes them even hard to confront. Which is, once again, very very very very S-A-D.
I hope I got my point across, that the genuine people in the world are slowly disappearing. Ensure that the ones around you don't, because soon, they will too. UNLESS, you stop them.
Bah, I lost the point now. Bye.
May 06 It'll hit you too.I don't wanna admit this.
I don't.
Really, I do hate to admit this..
But.. I feel very lonely at times. Really lonely..
I couldn't go to school today, coz my stomach was a mess. Now, it got better and all, so I decided to go and watch some TV. And all that was on, was the OC. And that too the valentines day episode. I don't know, there's something about the OC, which kinda makes me wanna hug someone. Each time after I watch an episode, I feel like hugging my own Seth, or my own Ryan.
And then it hits me that I don't have one..and that really doesn't feel too good. Even if I had that someone, but the person wasn't with me, it'd still comfort me knowing that 'there's someone there'. But as of now, there's no one..not a soul.
See, I'm happy with my friends, my school, my life, and everything else..but, sometimes, don't you ever feel like there's this empty space in you? Which you don't think'll ever get filled? And it's not like this keeps pinching me all the time, but when it does, it truly sucks.
It's just.. sometimes when you feel like you can't stand up on your own, you wish there was someone who'd give you their hand and say 'Don't worry, I'll pick ypu up'. And, after you watch a sad and soppy movie, you really want someone to put their arms around you and say 'It's all okay.'
See, I've never been comfortable expressing such things..infact, reading this entry right now, I keep debating with myself questioning 'Should I publish it? Should I?'. There must've been around 10 such entries which I didn't get down to publishing. It's pretty embaressing, in a way. To think that people're reading this and thinking 'Eh, she's weak and desperate', to put it mildly. And if after reading this you put me in the 'emo' category, well then, it's your rash judgment.
It's just human to want someone to love you! There's nothing selfish or unfair to it, because it's very normal and natural. Sure, some people go over the top expressing it, but at least they're honest enough to admit it. I'm not made of stone, these things do hit me and hurt me often. And yeah, I don't like feelng like this, no one does!
You want to be loved too, you know it. You want someone speacial to love, you know it.
You and I both want that empty space filled with something meaningful, a deep relationship, which catches you when you fall..
..And you know what the odd part is? About an hour after this's published, I'd probably say 'naaaaaah, I didn't mean a word of it, I was just in one of those moods'. Why? because I'm scared of admiting it. I'll always be scared of admiting it.. I fear the truth, the truth being - that I'm lonely.. and oh well, I'll move on, and ignore it, like I do mostly.
At least it felt good getting that out..anyway, I have a science UT tomorrow, and I HAVE to crack it in order to make up for the horrid disaster that I'd like to call my math paper. On the brighter side, at least I can study now coz I got a load off my head. YAY to venting.
Take care, and if you're going through the same as me, hang in there.
With much lou,
Me.
May 03 Change - for better or for worse?People change. You do, your neighbour does, and so do I. And it's okaaayy. It's not illeagal, it's not incorrect, it's not wrong. It's natural, it's progressive, it shows that one's growing. Though, you face criticism. Which does hurt. And you don't know how to avoid it either. Because no one around you's the actual one who's being critical about this change. The culprit of this piercing criticism is - you? Yes, it's you. You YOURSELF are unconsciously objecting to this change. You feel, somewhere deep down inside, that it's wrong. You don't want to sense this, but you do. And it's not in your control. It's far from your control. You're the cause of your own pain, yet you don't have a say in the situation as you're nothing more than a powerless spectator. I used to be anti-social. I never made an effort to make friends, with most people. I hated going outside my house. I didn't like playing unless forced to. I hated talking to people in person, I preferred the phone or the internet. I was soooo passive and uninvolved towards everything I did. But now, I'm not the same. I love my friends(new and old) soooo much, that I never wanna say goodbye. I love going outside my house. Infact, I never wanna come back in. Home depresses me. I go to play basketball EVERYday nowadays. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I can go on talking to people, anyhow. In person, on the phone, or online. And finally, I'm interested in the things I do. For once in my lifetime. Change really is a positive thing. It is, really. My change of school's brought out a whole new me. I finally am 'me'. But how do I get my mind to accept the fact that this's a good thing? That this's happening for the better, and not the worse? Wait a sec, Is it happening for better or worse? Damn, look what you did! You confused me you idiot! Now, please, heeellppp mmeeeeee. With much confusion, The new Avantika.
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